Most of my life has been about saying “yes” to please everyone around me. A part of me just simply loves the idea of adding joy to others lives. Another part of me, as I have come to realize, was basing my self-worth on all of those “yes” answers.
“In fact, I was terrified I would be forgotten if I ever said no to people or stopped chasing them down to find more ways to help others.”
The journey of self-realization that chasing anyone to serve them is a waste of energy; That the people who are meant to be in my life and meant to love me will not need any chasing. The first step in removing this people pleasing part of my life came with removing social media temporarily. In fact, I currently still have Facebook and Instagram apps removed from my phone.
I was honestly scared to do this at first. I thought that everyone would just forget I even existed if I wasn’t perpetually posting to my Instagram story or my Facebook feed. I was quickly proven wrong when I found the people I care about the most just as easily started to text me or, better yet, call me to actually have a conversation.
But something else began to happen. I stopped feeling the compulsion to save the world and started focusing even more deeply on healing my own inner wounds that definitely needs some TLC. I’ve always been one to feel no guilt spending money on others but feeling shame for spending money on myself. Or even just time by myself. But all of that has slowly begun to shift.
“I started to realized that being alone wasn’t scary. It actually felt peaceful.”
The lack of hours of wasted time scrolling for answers to my life added tremendous time to start building really solid relationships in the real world. I found myself putting my phone away and really being present. My anxiety, having Aspergers, constantly has me evaluating sensory issues or mistakes I’ve made ten minutes ago. Having social media to compare my body to or my mind to wasn’t helping me grow. It was stopping me in my tracks.
I realize now that I will eventually likely need to add the apps back to my phone but I’m not ready and I feel very content with that. I’m honestly shocked that I don’t miss the obsessive scrolling. I have no sense of missing out of anything. I think this has honestly forced me to trust myself to handle my own stress instead of turning to others or hiding my stress by finding ways to serve others. It’s forced me to sit with my thoughts and truly process them. It’s an amazing feeling. If you’re considering a social media break, I suggest at least two weeks. It’s been weeks now and I had only intended to do it for a single week as a test run!
“I’m realizing that in order to find peace I need to stop trying to save the world. Instead I am focusing on savoring each moment.”
Do you feel like social media adds to your confidence or do you feel like it contributes to your anxiety? Are there ways to limit whatever things in your day that add stress to your life? In what ways can you start saying no to stress that you’re currently doing to please others?
Guys, we’ve got this!
Gretchen McIntire
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