By Nahoma Presberg, MS BCBA NYS-LBA

For such a seemingly simple thing, small talk is quite complex. It serves a number of social functions that facilitate relationship development. Good small talk is a skill that comes naturally to some and not naturally to others. For people for whom small talk does not come naturally, it can feel foreign, awkward, and stressful. But the good news is we can teach small talk skills much like we teach anything else.

In order to teach it well, we need to get specific about the purpose of small talk. So let’s get clear about what small talk is and what it isn’t.

What small talk is: a social ice breaker in search of common interest, a professional networking tool, an emotional regulation tool as an opening to a more serious conversation.

What small talk is not: a relationship substitute, universal, efficient communication, or authentic self-expression.

Keeping these things in mind is important when we develop programming to support teaching small talk.

How To Teach Small Talk Skills

Start out by doing a little bit of self-reflection. Identify some ways that small talk serves you well in your life, and think about when it’s felt difficult or uncomfortable. Have a conversation with your client about your experiences with small talk, what it is, and some reasons to learn about it. Work together with your client to identify some goals related to small talk that will have immediate and positive benefits in their life.

Let’s say you’re working with a high school student who just moved to a new school. They’ll need some small talk skills to be able to start to make friends at school. In this case, small talk conversation topics can (and probably should) include some of your client’s interests. This will be a way for them to quickly find people who have things in common as a building block for friendship. Help your client identify some things they like to do and what they like to talk about. Then build a list of questions that they can ask in a conversation related to these topics. Bingo! You’re already doing small talk.

Practice and Adaptation

But good small talk is nuanced, right? It requires reading social cues, understanding the social context of the environment, recognizing emotions in others, thinking on your feet, just to name a few.

As you’re practicing concrete small talk skills with your client, work together to identify other aspects of this skill that they’re struggling with. You may be able to observe some challenges and your client might be able to tell you a bit about what’s feeling uncomfortable. These insights will help to identify additional goals you can work on to continue to shape the skill.

Learning small talk can be an awkward process. But it can also be really silly and fun! Let your programming be fluid and meet the needs of the environment and the learner, and remember that we’re all learning new things about this skill all the time.

About the Author

Nahoma Presberg, MS BCBA NYS-LBA, is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Nahoma obtained their master’s degree at the University of Rochester in Human Development. They have been working with clients in their homes for the past 6 years but has over a decade of experience supporting children with developmental disabilities. Nahoma is passionate about neurodiversity affirming care and thoughtful programming that helps every client thrive.

For more information about Nahoma, you can visit their website at https://www.nahomapresberg.com/.

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